A few years later I was sitting at a marriage conference called Love and Respect and the second day was spent talking about how marriage is more about my relationship with God than it is about my relationship with Ryan.  Was I going to love Ryan, forgive Ryan, respect Ryan when he didn’t deserve it, simply because God calls me to do that?  Was I going to take responsibility for my sinful actions toward him, when I felt like they were justified?  Emerson Eggriches stood up there and said something like — when you stand before God, you cannot justify your sin by saying ‘he hurt me first or he hurt me worse.’  My whole world tilted on its axis because I had never before considered that marriage wasn’t about us being happy.  It was the first inkling that maybe marriage was about us obeying God and loving when the other person is unlovely and forgiving when they don’t deserve to be forgiven and taking responsibility for ourselves regardless of feeling as if another person treated us unfairly.  That day, everything changed.  I began to see my marriage as a way that God was shaping my character.  In addition to that, it made me look at Ryan differently when I was being selfish and controlling and he chose to forgive me and love me anyway.  My respect for him in those moments grew by leaps and bounds.

I can’t tell you how much joy and peace and contentment and marital happiness comes when that perspective changes.  Because love is hard, but God loved me while I was his enemy.  Forgiveness is hard, but God has forgiven me of far more than I will ever forgive on earth.  And God uses this marriage to teach me more than I ever imagined.

This is my favorite picture of Ryan and I, not because of how we look, but because of the back story. We had just been in a huge argument.  I was being controlling and selfish and a bit manipulative and Ryan was having none of it.  Two strong personalities.  Fireworks began.  Unfortunately, we had to get these pictures taken before we lost the light, so while we were still pretty upset with each other, the photo session began.  In the midst of it, Ryan whispered something in my ear that was hilarious and my dear friend and photographer* caught this picture.  To me, it’s symbolic of Ryan moving toward me and loving me and forgiving me even though I didn’t deserve it.  It was the beginning of moving toward reconciliation.

19 years later, I love Ryan more than I could ever have imagined on that warm February day.  I didn’t realize back then that my soul mate was God and that He and I were already complete, but that my husband would compliment that beautifully and be a joy and a delight that has been food for my soul.  I realize now that I need to live for his happiness, to serve him and love him, because God has called me to consider the needs of others as more important than my own– but that I cannot do that without the power of the Holy Spirit living inside of me and giving me the strength to do something that’s not humanly possible.  And now I see clearly what that long ago commitment meant.  It was a vow that two broken, sinful people made to each other.  A promise to obey God instead of pursue their own individual happiness…and through that comes real, true joy.

*Photo credit:  Amy Peterson Photography, Clarkston Michigan

The post I Still Do appeared first on Little Reasons.

It’s spring in NE Ohio.  The days are getting longer.  The sun is shining.  The birds are building nests.  After a long, hard winter there is great relief that comes in the form of spring.  I went out hunting in my garden today and was moving dry, dead leaves to see if I could find green shoots peeking out.  Suddenly, I was reminded of how much God speaks to me through my garden.

Winter brings darkness.  It’s cold and cloudy and dreary and seemingly lifeless.  I think our lives feel like that sometimes.  There are seasons when it’s dark and cold and everything seems dead.  But slowly, the sun begins to shine a bit and the days don’t seem quite as cold.  Miraculously, one day you peer into the deadness and see a bit of green.  You continue to wait, but it doesn’t seem as long because everyday you see more growth.  Then before you know it, you are thriving and producing an abundant harvest!  You look back on those dark days and realize that there wasn’t deadness.  God was doing something under the soil that you could never have imagined.

The post New Life appeared first on Little Reasons.

I love hanging out with newlyweds.  They are so cute and in love.  I think that people who have been married a while tend to dismiss that desire to serve each other, forgive each other, and be intentional about having a good marriage.  They adapt the attitude of “Oh, just wait!  Once you experience the real world of marriage, you won’t be like this!”  That cynicism and jaded response seems justified.  It is absolutely true that the cute couple in early wedded bliss has no way of knowing what is ahead.  They haven’t seen the worst of their spouse yet.  They haven’t been hurt by the one who is supposed to love them the most.  They haven’t been exhausted with young babies, or in the throes of foreclosure on their home.  They haven’t experienced the stress of a move or job loss or infertility.

But have we ever considered that we – the couples who have been married for a while in this “real world” – are the ones missing the boat?  We are the ones who have let the stresses of the world and the sins of our spouse cause us to forget

*That our spouse isn’t our enemy — they are on our team.

*That date night is important and needs to happen, even if it’s decaf coffee after the kids are tucked into bed.

*That sex is fun and is worth a little less sleep, even when you’re exhausted parents.

*That even if we lose everything –all our worldly stuff— we still have our love and our God and that’s enough.

*That getting to go to bed every night and wake up every morning next to our best friend is pretty fun!

*That our spouse has some really amazing things about them that drew our attention when we started dating.

*That God asks us to serve our spouse without the need to be served in return.

*That we are called to forgive not because our spouse deserves to be forgiven – but because WE have been forgiven of a much greater debt.

*That God tells us to respect our husbands – not because they have earned the respect, but because He commands it.  God tells us to love our wives – not because they are lovable, but because He commands it.  And after husbands start loving, wives become more lovable.  And after wives start respecting, husbands become more respectable.

So when you see these newly married couples giving goo goo eyes to each other and being all cute and in love, remember that you can learn a thing or two from them.  Then go kiss your spouse in the kitchen!

The post Young Love appeared first on Little Reasons.